Life studies

*This was a post from a few weeks ago that I have edited. I will now have to knuckle down and catch up with what I have been up to since, so watch this space!*

The week has been a stressful one and as a result I have been examining my options for the future with renewed fervor. Every week or so I get into a panic about what I am supposed to be doing with my life and attempt to analyze what my priorities are. Do I value money more than freedom? If I was to do an MA could I justify the financial expense of it? What would I study? Something I really love or something that would bring me closer to getting a well paid and respected career in - I don`t know what. Who and what am I supposed to be? Should I work on being a travel writer or a lawyer, a painter, a philosopher or a professional poker player? I don't know what it is I am supposed to be pursuing, but there is one thing I feel determined to achieve and that is success. I am just not sure in what form that success will manifest itself in, or quite how I will attain it.

Anyway, today I gleaned an unintentional snippet of career/life advice. I was teaching a 45 minute class using 'useful verbs' to talk about university and taking gap years. My students were two middle aged business men. It proved to be am enlightening lesson for me in more ways than one. Working in a conversation school actually means that now and again one can have genuinely interesting discussions with students - provided their English is at a reasonable level. Unsurprisingly I learned that taking a gap year is not an option that is considered, or even really offered to students in Japan. They have about three weeks off between finishing high-school at 18 and starting university. So the suits were intrigued and somewhat shocked to discover that in England it is very common to take a gap year. We debated the pros and cons and agreed that it was a good thing, but they assured me it would never catch on in Japan. Of course they asked me whether or not I had taken a year out, to which I replied "Yes, I did a five week trip around Europe by train on my own, and then moved to Italy and worked in a bar for 6 months." "Really?!" they both exclaimed, and burst out laughing. The thought that I had worked in a bar, in Italy of all places, had them in stitches. Although I laughed along with them, I did begin to wonder what was so funny.

Anyway, I turned it around and asked them what they would do if they had they opportunity to take a year off work. "What are your dreams?" I asked. I sat there looking engaged and eager, and awaited their response. It was now 5:50 and my face had started to ache from all the smiling. After a good 49 seconds of contemplation, Mr Shinozaki turned to me grinning and said with careful consideration "I want experiences. I have worked in the same job for fifteen years. I would like discover life as a waiter, a taxi driver, a teacher and a farmer."

For some reason this stuck in my mind. I mean, here was someone who had established a career, had security, money and a wife and lived in a society in which these things are very highly regarded. However, he dreamt of a life of freedom, of variation, of experience. I suddenly realised that that was the life I had. The reason they laughed so much at the thought of me working in a bar (yes, making cocktails and serving beer until 3 am!!) was that it seemed so unbelievable. I was a teacher, so surely I had always been a teacher. (Of course I am making an assumption here, but I sense that this was their opinion.) Anyway, then came Taka's predictably slow and convoluted response.

"Ha ha! Er, nan de.... dat er dat er...." (Pause) "Er, I wanted, dat er, nan des ka... er .... vessel. I wanted vessel to, nan de ta, nan de, sailing around world. Er..." Pause. Long pause. Very Long pause. He searches for words. "Nan de... I want working on vessel." "Really? You want to work on a ship?" I said, hoping he would note the correction and smiled encouragingly. He laughed and repeated the phrase and I nodded approvingly hoping he would continue. He has the language, it's just that he is so slow: "Er, nan des ka.... nnn, I could, er would, would washing floor, da ta, nnn, nan de, and cooking, and see the new place, n ha ha, nan de....." It went on like that for a good ten minutes. I didn't want to cut him off because he was trying so hard and as a result my lesson finished late.

So it turns out that they dream of scrubbing the decks of a cargo vessels and serving food in an izakaya or working the land. I suggested a career change to both of them - "Take a chance! Do something different! Masa, you are always complaining about your job - just quit and become a taxi driver!" They both laughed uproariously, for this was surely the most ludicrous thing they had ever heard in their life. For me, it was one of the greatest insights I have had into life and the choices people make. There are those who pursue their ambitions and there are those who dismiss them as far-fetched dreams. Even if those dreams simply are to experience life as a taxi driver....